apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
