if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
