i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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