I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
