you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
