I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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