just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's official drugs can't kill me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
