After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
