I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
