Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize