to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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