That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
