...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
