So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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