his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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