3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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