Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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