so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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