You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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