I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
