I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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