Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
