I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
