No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
