i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
