Pappa wants mamma naked
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
