so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
