I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
