omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
