just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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