So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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