I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
too bad you live with your parents still
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
