you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
