Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
