The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
