I puked a lego.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
being pregnant is like rehab
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
