Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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