i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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