Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
