i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
