giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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