i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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