Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
