he puts the penis in happiness.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
did i just pee glitter
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
