i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
