I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
