I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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