dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
