Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Houston, we have a blender
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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