bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
