i just had sex bonerless
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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