Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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