We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Best friends brother. Beat that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved