Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again