Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.

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(845): View more from New York

if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian

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(859): View more from Kentucky

We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong

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(519): View more from Ontario

My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.

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(517): View more from Michigan

all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.

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(310): View more from California

Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"

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(614): View more from Ohio

We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night

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(317): View more from Indiana

look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.

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