You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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