the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
organizing the empties. That sober.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
