No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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