Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
