I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
