Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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