You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
