i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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