So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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