my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
