You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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