Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
